Texas Tourism - How to act like a tourist to the Lone Star State

Pretty much every town and city in Texas has a Waffle House, House of Pancakes, Denny's and other 24 hour breakfast joints. Why would anyone order a steak when you go to these places? Get yourself a good ol' hearty breakfast instead. Even if it's two in the afternoon! Eat steak at the great steak houses of Texas, like the Double Nickel in Lubbock.

We once had a governor of Texas who had two daughters - Ima Hogg, and Ura Hogg. Ima was known as the "First Lady of Texas". Jimmy Lee, Linda Jean, Verna Lynn, and Andy were my siblings names. If you think Texas names are to be made fun of, please think again. All of these guys will kick your ass for making fun of their names.

I was raised on Coca Cola. Everywhere we went, we ordered "Cokes". We didn't order Pop, or Pepsi, or Soda, or even Cola. We also didn't use straws. I remember thinking those that use a straw to drink with really suck.

Women from this state flirt a lot. Our mamas taught us how to do it. If your mama didn't then don't think we do it because we're interested in you. We just like to flirt. Remember, we are also packing pistols. We have a concealed hand gun law and are allowed to carry unconcealed weapons. You never know when a rattlesnake will cross your path.

I don't know much about football, but the Dallas Cowboys have always been America's team. College teams seem to have a big rivalry, especially UT Austin and those crazy Aggies. I've probably forgotten more Aggie jokes than non-Texans will ever know. So tourists should brush up on these teams before engaging a Texan in a conversation about football.

Texans actually have better education than most states. So don't think of us as a bunch of hillbillies or nut cakes. We're also friendlier and nicer to boot. We do talk this way just to piss you off though. Any Texan can immediately tell when you talk that you are or are not from here.

Yep, it's hot. Quit whining, spend your money and go back home. Put on a bathing suit and jump in the local watering hole. Turn on the air conditioner. Get naked, whatever!

No, the state symbol of TEXAS is not the orange and white highway barrel. Constant road construction is something we all have to put up with in order to see "progress". However, the amount of people moving down here from the North is really starting to be annoying. Building roads cannot happen fast enough.

Texans drive FRIENDLY! We will wait for you to cut in front of us because we know you will return the favor. A real Texan will give you a little wave to say "thanks!" A yankee (any non-Texan) will honk and give you the bird. We also use our turn signals just to give you a heads up.

Most restaurants in Texas do not serve Sushi. Most restaurants serve Tex-Mex food or steaks, or Bar-B-Que. We love to deep fry stuff too. In fact, it's one of the biggest contests at the State Fair in Dallas every year. You can vote on this year's suggestions for the frying pan by visiting Fried Gravy! A suggestion for the 2010 State Fair of Texas

We really Don't care how much better it is back wherever it is that you are from. Texas has lots of Interstate highways, get on one.

Our food is not overcooked; yours is undercooked. Especially your excuse for barbque. If it takes less than 18 hours to cook, it ain't tender yet.

"Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to conclude an argument. The is the standard closing of 99.9% of every contest. You will either kiss it or walk away.

Take off your hat when you say the words "Tom Landry"; "Red Adair"; or "John Wayne"

Come visit Austin online! Become a fan....

This hub has been edited for content, the earlier version was duplicated elsewhere on the web. This is my new version which is copywritten 2010 by L. A. Cargill