Drug testing, passing a drug test, random drug screening - the Corporate nose in the pee test!

Section 7: Drug Testing

The majority of employers across the United States are NOT required to drug test and many state and local governments have statutes that limit or prohibit workplace testing, unless required by state or Federal regulations for certain jobs. Also, drug testing is NOT required under the Drug-Free Workplace Act of 1988. Read more here...

So why are more and more private companies invading our privacy in this way?

It's because they can! We are letting our bosses stick their corporate noses into our pee! It is our personal body fluid and we are just giving up our rights to privacy off the job. We are also giving up our rights to probable cause search and seizure! Yes, you must prove you are innocent of "doing drugs" even though applying for a job (or keeping a job) is not a legitimate cause for searching your private body fluids.

Oh, sure, you're thinking "I don't want to work with druggies". You think that this is why companies are promoting a "drug free work place". Well, I got news for you suckers, that piss test you take at the beginning of a hiring process is only good for that ONE DAY! So if they are REALLY trying to weed out drug abusers, they need to drug test EVERYONE EVERY SINGLE DAY before they start the work day.

But I suppose that would be ok with you since you really do want to have a "drug free work place", right? After all, you don't do drugs and you don't want to work with those scum bag pot smokers. Never mind that a urine drug test doesn't tell you a thing about how well you can do your job!

That's right. A piss test is piss all bad about discovering how well a carpenter can build a cabinet, or how well a nurse can take care of a patient. It also doesn't even detect a pedophile! Or a kleptomaniac, child abuser, wife beater, or whether or not you smell bad. Although, your pee might smell for sure.

The drug test and random drug tests are for punishing people. Oh, they also are a way of controlling you. They are a way to monitor your off work recreation (if that is how you wish to amuse yourself or protect your eyes from glaucoma, whatever). But again, they don't check for gossips, bullies, or ignorance, none of which traits I want my co-workers to have either.

So you want to cheat your prospective employer and pass a drug test? Hey, it's easy as pie. I work in a lab and I've processed thousands of drug tests. If you think your pee might come up positive, here are some tips:

1. Don't do drugs! (This is the easy way!)
2. Use a substitute urine (surely you know someone who is drug free?) Double wrap the urine in a zip loc bag and hide it next to your torso. Tape it on with medical tape (not too sticky).  It needs to be at body temperature, get the picture? 30cc's is plenty (about half a cupful). Of course, this method doesn't work if you have to pee in front of someone, but most places don't do this ultimate invasion of privacy anymore. And no, we don't test to see if you're pregnant, so using a female pee is ok.
   
3. Dilute your pee. Drink quarts of water! The more dilute your urine is, the better. This may be enough to get your drug levels below the cut off point. Drinking tea which is a diuretic will help. Start drinking fluids the minute you learn you will have to take a drug test.
   
4. You can try those flushes and cleanses they sell on the internet, but trust me, they rarely work for hard core pot smokers. Marijuana is the most frequently found drug of abuse and it is hard to get the metabolite out of your system! Some people can be pot-free for months and still test positive!
5. Use a commercially available drug test to check your pee before you go for a test. This will give you a base line. If their test comes up positive and yours didn't, you will have a basis to contest their findings.  Maybe they mixed up your pee - it happens.
   
6. Always disclose any prescription drugs you are taking and have a current prescription on record. The medical officer of a drug testing facility will call you if these drugs show up (which they will). If you provide a current prescription, they will pass you.
7. Strangely enough, poppy seeds will make your drug test positive. So will some other foods and nutritional supplements. So you may be able to mask your particular drug metabolite of choice by ingesting large amounts of something known to produce a false positive. Do your research first!

Granted, these things don't usually work for RANDOM drug tests. If your company insists on searching their employees on a random basis, you need to protest this policy! It's just like a cop pulling you over on the highway and demanding a strip search just because he feels like it! If there is no probable cause, you should never allow a search of your person! It's really BIG BROTHER at his worst!

Of course employers have the right to expect you to come to work without a hangover. They expect that you will not be under the influence of drugs when you serve food to customers or do whatever it is that you do.

To force you to have your urine searched is not the way to go about this! Perhaps job performance is a better measure of you as a co-worker. That might be hard for big brother though. I mean, a drug test is way easier to do than to actually observe a person on the job, get to know them, and then figure out whether or not they can be a good employee based on their skills. What a concept!